You are my sunshine,
My only sunshine.
You make me happy
When skies are grey.
You’ll never know dear
How much I love you.
Please don’t take my sunshine away.
-Jimmie Davis and Charles Mitchell
So I have been asked as to where I have gotten the name for my blog. (Apparently on the outer surface I do not pull off being a sunshiny person very well) The answer to this question is simple. No matter how much doom and gloom the day brings I always have two rays of sunshine that make me happy no matter what else is going on. Their names are Aeryn and Alex and I would not trade their love for anything in the world. I have come to a conclusion about my children. They were given to me at times in my life when I needed them the most. Without them I would not be the same person that I have come to be today and for that I am truly grateful.
Aeryn came to me when I was 19. I was young and ill prepared for the life that a child would bring. But with her I had a reason to be a better person. And to not take paths of destruction that I otherwise could have taken. Now I am not saying that I am a perfect person, nor a perfect mother. But I am however; better than I would have been without this amazing little girl. Aeryn has for the longest time been my partner, in crime, my sidekick. After a couple of failed relationships near the beginning of her life things tapered off and I eventually realized that we really did not need a man in our lives to be the people that I wanted us to be.
Once I realized that fact, it was a lot easier for me to focus on what was best for her and I. I moved out of the town where I had lived my entire life into the town where I now live. When we first moved to this area when Aeryn was four we lived in a house that was directly next to the apartment complex that my mother lived in. It was convenient for all of us and worked out very well for my first year here.
It was easier to be happy here. Gone was the negativity and stigmas from the past. Starting over was just what my little girl and I had needed. Nearing the end of my first year in the new apartment I reconnected with someone from my past; someone who I thought that I had loved, and may have actually loved when I was younger. We started dating, he moved in and then because he had two children from a previous marriage he and I moved into a bigger apartment. It was still in the same town, about ten minutes from my mother. That relationship lasted for almost three years. There was talk of marriage but then things did not work out. I will not go into too much detail because that will bring a feeling of negativity to my blog that I do not want here. I only delve into this topic because it explains the coming of Alex.
After the breakup I commuted a carnal rule that I usually adhere to, the two of us remained friends. I have a problem with remaining friends with a person after you have been in a relationship together. I feel that things get awkward and that there really is not a comfortable way to move forward. I was okay with ending the friendship, and moving forward with our separate lives, but he was not. Needless to say things went a little farther than friendship and Alex was born in January of 2011.
Now I have stated that my two children were given to me in times where I needed them. Alex came at a time when I needed to see the person I had been dating for who he really was. Not a bad person, just not a person that I want in my life. He has made some choices since Alex’s birth that I cannot condone or agree with and he has cut himself out of the life of his child. His decision, not mine. It does not make me hate him, or even feel any negativity for him. It makes me sad. He is missing out on a lot. But the lesson that I learned here is to let go and move on. And I have.
So Aeryn and Alex are my Rays of Sunshine. They make me smile without meaning to and provide my day with endless amounts of laughter. Without them I would be no one. No I cannot really say that either. But I definitely would not be the person that I enjoy being today.
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